


Love Waits

by knowyourincantations



Series: Femslash February 2019 [8]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Disability, Don't copy to another site, Established Relationship, F/F, Femslash February, Femslash February 2019, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hogwarts Eighth Year, mute character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 05:46:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17698778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knowyourincantations/pseuds/knowyourincantations
Summary: Pansy took a vow of silence after the war but never told anyone why, near the end of eighth year, and after dating her for several months, Ginny is determined to try and find out why Pansy is still not talking. But the answer she gets is nowhere near what she could have expected.





	Love Waits

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Femslash February 2019 Day 8 for the prompt 'Silent'.
> 
> I'm not too sure about how to tag this, so if you feel a certain tag should have been included, please let me know!

“How is Slytherin’s snottiest snot doing today?”

Pansy looked up from the sketchpad in front of her and fixed Ginny with a dark look. Ginny raised an eyebrow in return.

Pansy stayed silent.

“Oooh, I was sure that would get a peep out of you,” Ginny huffed, flopping down on the grass next to her.

With a shrug of her shoulders, Pansy returned to her sketch. Ginny watched the forested edge of the lake appear on the page. Even watching Pansy draw couldn’t sooth the worry that had only grown worse over the last few months.

“What’s the point of a vow of silence if you don’t tell anyone what your cause is?” she asked softly. “It’s been almost a year. School is almost over and you still haven’t said a peep or indicated why you’re doing it.”

Pansy rolled her eyes at the page instead of looking at her. In the air by her ear, words formed.

‘ _It’s personal.’_

Ginny brushed the conjured words away and they dispelled like smoke. It was a nifty spell, but she was tired of words in the air and words on a page and never any from Pansy’s lips even though they’d now been dating for months.

“Just...can you at least tell me how long you’re going to be doing this?” she asked.

Pansy looked up from the page with a frown. Ginny liked to think she knew her well enough by now even though they had yet to have a reciprocal verbal conversation.

“It’s not a deal-breaker,” she said softly, reaching out to gently touch her lips. “I’d just like to know. Uncertainty is not as appealing as it used to be.”

Something pained flashed across Pansy’s face. Her usual response to anyone asking her about her vow of silence was a shrug. Eventually people had stopped asking, but with the end of the year rapidly approaching and their future wide and uncertain, Ginny couldn’t stand not knowing any longer.

A year was a long time to protest something with silence, particularly when no one even knew what it was.

Pansy put away her things into her bag and turned to give Ginny her full attention. In the air between them, words formed.

‘ _I don’t know how long.’_

Ginny frowned. “How can you not know how long? You haven’t made up your mind?”

With a shake of her head, Pansy bit her lip and the words disappeared only to form anew.

‘ _It’s complicated.’_

Ginny weighed up her options. Even as badly as she needed to know, she didn’t want to push too hard. She had to ask or she’d drive herself mad wondering, but if Pansy was adamant about keeping it secret, what could she do?

“I just don’t understand why you’re doing it,” she tried to explain. “I’m trying to...it’s hard to be together and not know the details of something obviously so important to you.”

Pansy grimaced and shook her head. She looked out to the lake for a moment, then frowned and shook her head again. It was like she was having a silent conversation with herself.

Ginny took one of her hands between her own. “I’m not going to judge you for it. It’s your choice what you do with your own voice, I’d just like to know why. It’s a part of you and I think we’ve established by now that I’m interested in all parts of you.”

Her suggestive tone and joke fell flat as Pansy’s expression crumpled. Her eyes rapidly glistened with tears and more words appeared in the air.

‘ _I don’t know how long because I still can’t fix it.’_

Ginny stared at the words. She read them three times as they hovered there.

“Fix the thing you’re protesting or...?”

Pansy sniffed loudly and wiped at her eyes. Her lack of response said it all and Ginny’s stomach dropped.

“You’re _cursed_?” she gasped.

With a sharp inhale, Pansy pulled herself to her feet and turned away. In her shock, it took Ginny a moment to follow. She floundered for something to say. She could barely even think. She walked around Pansy and tried to catch her eye.

“All this time?”

Pansy nodded, wiping quickly at her eyes as if she could stop crying that way. Ginny had never seen her cry before. Her face was turning blotchy but all Ginny saw was fear and pain. Of course. Of course Pansy would keep this quiet, let people think she was protesting something with her voluntary silence. Damn pride.

But she squashed down the sudden flare of anger. That wouldn’t help anyone.

“Have you seen someone for it?” she prompted.

Another nod.

“Can they help?”

Pansy shook her head and then sobbed so hard she hiccuped, her whole body jerking from the motion.

“Oh, Pansy,” Ginny breathed, reaching out circling her arms around her.

Pansy stood rigid for a moment, but then sagged against her, body shaking with sobs.

With her eyes closed tight, Ginny tried to make sense of her thoughts. If a specialist could do nothing, and she was sure Pansy’s family would have found her the best, then it was unlikely Pansy could have ever fixed it on her own. And yet she had been trying. Pretending that she was taking a vow of silence and enduring open mockery for it while hunting futilely for a cure.

It was so like a proud Slytherin Ginny was angry with herself for not figuring it out.

“Damn your pride,” she muttered. “We would have tried to help you.” Even if it was probably hopeless.

Pansy clutched at her back and held her tighter. Words formed behind her, where Ginny could see them.

‘ _I refuse to be a burden. It’s my problem to solve. I’m still figuring it out.’_

Ginny breathed in slowly then let Pansy go and pushed her back to look her in the eye.

“You are not a burden,” she said firmly. “I only wanted to know because I couldn’t understand why you were doing it, not because I was tiring of never talking to you properly.” Which was a bit of a lie, but that was when she’d thought it was voluntary. The fact it was a curse changed everything.

‘ _You didn’t sign up for this’_

Ginny waved the words away. “I’ve been insensitive, I’m sorry,” she said, resting her hands on Pansy’s shoulders and looking her in the eye. “I kept trying to provoke you into speaking, I’m so sorry. That wasn’t fair even if it was a vow of silence, but it’s even worse now. I wish you would have said something, you never really told me to stop. I would have. I really would have.”

Pansy shook her head and smiled weakly at her.

‘ _I liked seeing what you came up with. It amused me. And it amused you too.’_

That was certainly true. Even thought she had failed every time, Ginny had enjoyed thinking of new shocking things to say, or more imaginative insults. But knowing now that Pansy couldn’t have responded to it even if she wanted to...she felt like dirt.

Another horrid thought occurred to her.

“We’ve been together for a while now, if we count back to when I snogged you under that mistletoe and you dragged me into that broom closet,” she said slowly, watching Pansy’s expression closely. “Were you ever going to tell me, or is this a sign that we’re not as long term for you as I thought we might be?”

A look of alarm formed on Pansy’s face and she shook her head quickly. She brought her hands up and motioned wildly.

‘ _No, no! I just couldn’t bear to tell anyone. The last thing I said to anyone was that they should give up Harry. It was right after that. I deserve this. I don’t deserve sympathy.’_

The words were disappearing almost too fast to read as they were limited to a small area in the air. But once the whole message was out, Ginny felt even worse.

“That long?” she asked. “You’ve been unable to speak for that long? During the battle? You were unable to...”

Ginny still heard the screams of that battle sometimes in the halls. People crying out and asking for mercy, calling out their ages in case it made a Death Eater hesitate. Even as a Slytherin and probably known to the Death Eaters, the idea of Pansy being trapped in that situation and unable to speak...

‘ _I brought this on myself. It was a stray spell, but it might as well have been punishment for what I had selfishly said that day. It was up to me to fix it or live with it. No one else.’_

Ginny waved the words away again. “No. You did not deserve this,” she said, holding Pansy’s shoulders tightly. “No one deserves this!”

Pansy shook her head but no more words appeared in the air around them. She wiped at her eyes again and shook off Ginny’s hands. She picked up her bag and made to move away.

“This doesn’t change anything for me,” Ginny said, moving in front of her again. “Please don’t push me away. You’re not alone in this.”

‘ _You didn’t sign up for this.’_

“I didn’t sign up for a bloody war either, but I still fought in one. I didn’t sign up to be a target, but that didn’t stop me from spending time with Harry,” Ginny said sharply. “No one decides what is too much for me but me. Not even you.”

Words started forming but Ginny waved them away before they became clear.

“If you aren’t interested in me or if you are too ashamed to be with me now that I know, then fine, tell me that,” she said firmly. “But don’t for one second assume how I feel about this. We may have started as a bit of drunken fun at Christmas, but that was months ago now. And I know you. I don’t need to have long deep conversations to know you. You’ve communicated enough for me to know you and know that I want you in my life. I’m here and ready to still be here even if I never hear your voice again and only recall it used in hate. Don’t push me away for my own benefit because that isn’t your place.”

Pansy stared at her with wide eyes. Ginny sucked in a deep breath and tried to calm down. She hadn’t felt so fired up in a while. She was in deep. She was in far deeper than she’d even told Pansy yet. She’d been watching every time Pansy quietly did something nice without drawing attention to it. She’d been watching when Pansy had used variants of her spell to draw pictures in the air for sad kids still traumatised in the halls. She’d watched Pansy go from a snob to someone who thought about how their actions affected others and strove to do better. And none of that was because she couldn’t talk.

Her own attitude about her curse, upsetting though it was, proved that she had changed enough to at least understand she had done wrong. The Pansy from before the war would never have done that. Would never have admitted she was in the wrong and certainly never tried to fix it on her own.

“Look, you didn’t want anyone to know, and I kind of forced it out of you,” she admitted calmly. “I know you’re proud, and I know you’re hurting. Take some time if you need, but understand I still want to be with you. But I understand if you don’t feel the same, if you never felt the same. Now is a good time to sort this out, since we’ll be leaving school soon. If you need time, take it. I’ll be here waiting.”

Without any words appearing in the air, Pansy took a moment but then nodded and turned away. Ginny watched her leave and tried not to guess what that meant. This was a mess she’d probably need someone’s help untangling, but she had to hope she’d handled it somewhat well. Maybe she should have been clearer about how she felt sooner, but Pansy wasn’t the only proud one. Admitting to her feelings without knowing how Pansy really felt was opening herself to be laughed at, if it was always just a bit of no-strings fun for Pansy.

With a shake of her head and a sigh, she decided to go down to the lake shore to skip some stones. It never failed to calm her down even if she really just hurled rocks into the lake under the guise of trying to learn how to skip them.

But as she turned, her breath caught in her throat.

Hovering in the air, there were words waiting for her.

‘ _Please wait for me. I love you too.’_

**Author's Note:**

> Tbh, I want like, a whole long slow burn fic of this but I just don't have the time or energy (plus I'm utter pants at writing slow burn), so a snapshot of this moment will just have to do.


End file.
